the phone rang at six this morning.

you know how it is, you're thinking to yourself: "this must be a dream," because to anybody who cares anything at all about you, calling at that hour is unthinkable and borders on unconscionable. the confusion was compounded by the fact that the focal point of the dream that i had last night was a ringing phone. even stranger than all that is the fact that i rarely, and i mean rarely wake up with even the slightest recollection of having dreamt.

while i was out running some errands today, there was a phrase that stuck out in my mind. it kept repeating itself over and over again, it was significant, significant enough that i wrote it down. basically the thought was that there are a lot of things in my life that aren't what i want them to be.

that doesn't bug me so much, anybody'd be hard-pressed to recall a time when everything in life was what they wanted it to be. i'm not sure really what else i want to say. i'm not at all sure why i remembered dreaming last night. i've been pretty frustrated with some stuff lately and though that's not the most fun, it's not the frustration that's really bothering me as much as the feeling that i get that i'm not dealing with it in the most effective way does. the whole dream thing was more or less me searching for someone to hold responsible for all that i perceive to be lacking in my life, and not even searching so much as assigning.

maybe it is totally someone else's fault and i'm just a sucker.

feeling: in urgent need of advice
thinking of: why teresa strasser quit "while you were out"
music: "white days" the juliana theory