it looks cloudy today.

i had an insight driving to work yesterday, at least i think it was an insight, i know i was driving to work. it had to do with the relationship between the weather and my mood, and it's mostly just speculation. i've got a reputation as a person who's got a rather buoyant personality. bone's in the past described it as "a sickeningly sunny disposition." this despite his assertion that i live(d) in the ghetto and have the "next hitler" as a brother. on top of that, i tend to have a personality that's pretty contrarian, i don't choose to be different just for the sake of being different, but i seem to relish whenever i contrast from what's around me.

so anyways, it's generally very sunny here. every day it's sunny, and i dig that, i really do. if there's one thing that i'll never complain about living in southern california, it's the general climate of the place. but i've noticed that my mood has seemed to lag a bit, and on the way to work yesterday, i got the feeling that it was because my mood seems to stand out less because of the sunny weather. grey is one of my favorite colors, i've always liked overcast days, and lately i've been looking out my window in the morning and finding myself disappointed when i'd see a clear blue sky. when i lived in chicago the sunniness of my mood stood out because the weather there was generally drearier, obviously and especially during the winter when it'd start to snow in december and you'd forget what grass looked like because you wouldn't see it again til sometime in april. in those conditions, recognizing it was easier, it was like being able to look at the stars out in the sticks, where there wasn't so much light pollution. it's funny because i don't feel like i'm any less happy than i have been in the past, i feel like it has to do with identifying old stuff, famliar stuff in a new environment.

even on cloudy days here, it's bright.

feeling: feminine
thinking of: fall
music: "bullion" millencolin