more genius from America's favorite radio station

hey lover,
romance is in the air. and you will be too when I shove you out of your office building around noon.
don't be late.

dear person i am starting to fall in love with,
i wanted to give you my heart for valentines day, but will you accept your dog's instead?
sorry i didn't have time to cut the aorta off.

dear person,
i have always thought you had the loveliest legs. that is why i want to cut them off and use them as stilts.

dearest sweatheart,
you + me + axe + plastic bag = friday night.

hey valentines day card recipient,
when you wake up in the bathtub, and your kidneys are missing, and i am five miles away, sweating feverishly behind the wheel of a stolen volvo, will you think of me? probably not because i carved out the memory parts of your brain too. just kidding.

p.s. no I’m not. leave your volvo unlocked.

dear thief of my heart,
valentines day makes me think of three things. the first thing is love. the kind of love that lasts a lifetime and sustains the soul. the other two things are your boobs. now take your shirt off and try to relax.

february 14th person head,
why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? probably because i tipped them off that your guts will make good eatin.
look out!

hey there plumcakes,
i want to do something special for you tonight. so why don't you come over at 9:30 tonight and bring your sister.