sometimes having a Y chromosome is tough.

not that i'm complaining or anything like that or pining away for the alternative, though i did use to be a cheerleader and i watch the learning channel, trading spaces, while you were out, stuff like that. i mean nothing against girls, i dig girls, but the monthlies and underwire bras are enough to make me want to wholeheartedly steer clear of the whole brier patch, as it were, that being a member of the opposite sex is.

so anyways, i was thinking yesterday about gender differences and different conversations i've had with girls that i know and just how as far as perception goes, guys and girls perceive things so so differently. what i also thought about is just how much i've changed as far as that goes in the past few years. i've gone from perceiving things in a very androcentric, compartmentalizational way to being more comfortable with uncertainty and not having every little thing laid out.

so here lately i've been fighting with some leftover vestiges of that sort of certainty-dependent outlook, sort of being bothered with the lack of knowledge of the next step of my life. like in high school and college there was graduation to look forward to and having the certainty of knowing when and how it would end was really comforting, which is something i didn't realize then. i've been bothered lately by the fact that i don't have the same certainty now as i did then. not that i don't like what i'm doing or where i'm at, it's just that the sense of the unknown is sort of playing on the small part of me that needs to have things laid out like that.

cheerleading?? i couldn't believe it either.

feeling: secure and conflicted
thinking of: 24, tonite
music: "south of the border" frank sinatra