i saw laura today.

we go way back, almost five years, and i know i've told the story of when/how we met and how exactly we got to be friends, here it is for any and all of you who would need/like a refresher on that one. not counting the camp we met at and seeing each other there again a year later, we've seen each other six times, which i guess is odd for someone who is as good a friend to me as she is, especially considering that we've known each other as long as we have.

i've written before, or at least alluded to, about how stringently i define the word "friend," that it's not a word that i at all tend to throw around haphazardly, and that for me to really and truly call someone a friend an mean it in a way that's more than a mere figure of speech that there has to be a pretty significant relationship there. laura and i have that, and even though it wasn't like i'd forgotten about it or how great she is or anything like that, getting to spend time with her today was like finding a hundred dollar bill in the pocket of some jeans bound for the laundry.

today, i went to church with her and we went to lunch afterward, we'd been planning this day for months, like since august, and we ended up spending about four good hours together. to be really honest, i was a bit nervous about the whole thing, you know how it is when you build up expectations of something for so long (part of the reason i don't do countdowns, they inevitably lead to letdowns) and on top of that we'd never spent that much time with each other. laura's the youngest out of all the people i consider friends, and neither of us has been great about writing letters since i moved out here. i wondered if there was really much more there than just the novelty of writing letters to someone so far away.

in the end, those fears were, in some ways for nothing, because they didn't get realized, but in that they didn't get realized, they were good for something because they helped me appreciate what a friendship i have with her, to understand the love that's there. that day was even better than i'd imagined it to be, and make no mistake, despite my slight trepidaciousness, i'd imagined that it would be awesome.

thanks laura, you're the best.

feeling: understood
thinking of: today
music: "living in your letters" dashboard confessional

home, sweet franking home.

it's so so good to be back. weird, it always is, but i'm used to the weirdness in such a way that it's not so weird anymore. my dad met me at the airport thursday afternoon around one and we went to my grandparents' house right after that.

there was christmas fallout, i guess afterglow would be a better word, since christmas over there is done christmas eve, presents opened at the stroke of midnight. they were making tamales, tradition of traditions that is, and i spent pretty much all day there. too worn out to really do much else, i was up til like four on monday nite, til about three wednesday nite, and around five last nite.

i made it to brad's to see him and dunx, didn't really do much, but then we never really have to. saw my abuela today (my dad's mom) and that was really cool, i'd missed her last year, whenever i went by, she wasn't there, and i'll see bone tonite. tomorrow i see laura and i'm so so excited about that, we're having lunch, it'll be great.

feeling: nostalgic
thinking of: time and its thickness
music: "buenas noches from nacogdoches" kid bros. of st. frank

i thought christmas day would never come
but it's here at last, so mom and dad, the waiting's finally done
and you gotta get up, you gotta get up, you gotta get up
it's christmas morning

last night i heard reindeers on my roof
well you may think I'm exaggerating but i swear i'm tellin' you the truth
and you gotta get up, you gotta get up, you gotta get up
it's Christmas morning

did my sister get a baby doll? did my brother get his bike?
did i get that red wagon, the kind that makes you fly?
oh, i hope there'll be peace on earth
i know there's good will toward men
on account of that baby born in bethlehem

did my sister get her baby doll? did my brother get his bike?
did I get that red wagon, the kind that makes you fly?
oh, I hope there'll be peace on earth
i know there's good will toward men
on account of that baby born in bethlehem

mom and daddy stayed up too late last night
oh, i guess they got carried away in the christmas candlelight
and you gotta get up, you gotta get up, you gotta get up
it's christmas morning

and you gotta get up, you gotta get up, you gotta get up.

--"you gotta get up" rich mullins

i fell asleep before eleven last nite.

but it was on the couch, so it didn't count. i guess i fell asleep so early because i was up til like four the night (morning?) before. it was funny because i was unbelievably alert and productive during the day yesterday, especially in the morning. i went to target before going to work and got my mom's gift. i definitely learned my lesson on monday as to when to shop, the whole before/after work conflict.

either that or i fell asleep so early because office space was on. good gravy is that movie awful.

feeling: relieved and incomplete
thinking of: bus, taxi, or drive
music: "feliz navidad" jose feliciano

i love shopping.

you have no idea, right now shopping during the week leading up to christmas in california is my favorite thing of all time, right up there with people who don't use blinkers at stop signs or when they cut you off. so yesterday i went christmas shopping. i know i wasn't any more derelict about it this year than i have been in years past, but it seems as though i was based on my experience last night.

i guess the big factor is that i won't be home at all before christmas, usually i was able to have the weekend before christmas to do my shopping and it got done without incidient. having spent twenty years in dallas, i knew what places to avoid when in order to evade the throngs of wall to wall people that seem to infest local retailers about this very time every year. having lived in southern california just over a year, i don't have that familiarity, and even if i did, traffic would be plenty mitigating to an effort to make it to a place like that if it was far enough out, which was never the case in dallas, because traffic could never dream of being as horrific as it is out here, and even if it was, i knew all the shortcuts there anyway.

i go back for more today.

feeling: puffy eyes
thinking of: why that kid couldn't fall asleep
music: "cristalena" MxPx

deepest apologies.

i's back, i wasn't really gone, i don't s'pose. just more or less away from the blog since about thursday, so i kinda feel like i should apologize to anyone who missed me, which judging from the readership is more than a handful, but less than legion, is there an adequate adjective to describe a group of such number, someone pass that along, i'm usually on top of vocab stuff like that.

in any case, i did drive to san diego and back twice over the weekend tho, so i guess that qualifies as being away. wes was here, in san diego anyways, his grandparents live there, and every other year the whole family shows up there for christmas for like almost two weeks, so he had a day to get away for a bit, so i switched friday for thursday as my day off this week so i had friday and saturday to hang out with him.

me and wes used to be roommates and out of all the roommates i ever had, i get along with him the best. probly because we have such similar senses of humor. it was a blast, i hadn't seen him since last march whenever i went to chicago. so we saw bad santa and lent crappy vocals to AC/DC and metallica among others.

i won't have that kind of fun again for a week, at least.

feeling: behind
thinking of: a kettle and where to get a stars jersey in california
music: "the eight polish foods of christmas" veggie tales

by a lonely prison wall, i heard a young girl calling
"michael, they have taken you away,
for you stole trevelyan's corn,
so the young might see the morn.
now a prison ship lies waiting in the bay."

low lie the fields of athenry
Where once we watched the small free birds fly
our love was on the wing
we had dreams and songs to sing
it's so lonely round the fields of athenry.

by a lonely prison wall, i heard a young man calling
"nothing matters, mary, when you're free
against the famine and the crown,
i rebelled, they cut me down.
now you must raise our child with dignity."

by a lonely harbor wall, she watched the last star fall
as the prison ship sailed out against the sky
for she lived to hope and pray for her love in Botany Bay
it's so lonely round the fields of athenry.

--"fields of athenry" dropkick murphys

i used to have some roommates.

this was before i moved out here, back when i lived in wheaton. i moved from there in may of 2002, so it's been a lil over a year and a half since i've had any roommates. the last living arrangement i had there was a two bedroom apartment which i shared with three other guys, it was on michigan street, just on the other side of the railroad tracks from campus.

you learn a lot about yourself from having roommates, even if it's several months after you stop living with them, like yesterday for example. i got an email from wes, the last guy i actually shared a room with. he said that the commercials for the movie "bad santa" reminded him immediately of me. i seem to get stuff like that a lot. like last year whenever i went back to wheaton for a visit, wes' roommates told me that his sense of humor was much more lascivious than it normally was. they went on to say that he wasn't like that when i wasn't around.

age 23, and i'm already a dirty old man.

feeling: misunderstood :)
thinking of: dereliction in christmas shopping
music: "your cheatin heart" hank williams

nicole richie is my new favorite person of all time. she painted a three-year-old's name across her tits.

that's just greatness, and i felt it bore mentioning.

so they got him.

looking at the pictures, it seemed as though the one they got was karl marx, either him or the guy that hangs out by the liquor store at the corner. but no, from what i heard it was saddam hussein. the capture made pretty big news, evidently it happened overnight on saturday because i first saw the story a few minutes after waking up on sunday morning.

well, good for them, us, whoever. the sooner the war's over the better. i wasn't really in favor of the whole thing, but since they went, i'm glad they've stuck around to make sure that they didn't leave the iraqis twisting in the wind like they did after the first war. saddam wasn't deposed and once the u.s. miltary took off, he went back to brutalizing the people who opposed him.

i guess the whole thing's a pretty touchy subject and very politically loaded, precisely the kind of stuff i don't really like to blog about, but i've been pondering some of the stuff i've read/heard here lately. i was reading this morning where there was a catholic cardinal who was upset over the way saddam was treated, saying that he was treated "like a cow." i'm not sure that i agree with that particular sentiment, i don't imagine that he was treated appreciably differently than other captured enemies are treated, the media coverage was more intense simply because of who he is.

however, it seems to me that the cardinal's words were borne out of true concern for another human being, as opposed to simply being contrarian or advancing an agenda. case in point is part of the quote that didn't make it into the headline: "seeing him like this, a man in his tragedy, despite all the heavy blame he bears, I had a sense of compassion for him." make no mistake, saddam deserves everything he's gonna get, and very likely much worse. i just guess that hearing someone who has obviously considered his opinion in light of the convictions he holds and sees the complexity present is a breath of fresh air.

come to think of it, i haven't seen that liquor store guy since over the weekend.

feeling: slightly out of place
thinking of: snow
music: "my evil plan to save the world" five iron frenzy

i haven't figured out how to turn on the heater.

that's in my apartment, the one in the car is pretty easy. the one in the apartment, on the other hand looks like an artifact from the early part of the previous century. there's a lil knob at the bottom of it, which i've located and figured out how to turn, but to no avail. mostly because i suspect the pilot light hasn't been lit. what's a bit frustrating is that i don't really know where the pilot light is in this silly thing, in the lil directions on the thing, it tells me in step #2 simply to light the pilot light, without so much as mentioning where the franking thing can be found.

so saturday morning, i armed myself with the lighter, you know the one with the long neck you use to light the stove, and tried to find the gas, which pretty much went nowhere. better judgement led me to stop that particular operation after a few minutes, i didn't want to blow the place to high holy hell.

i'm pretty sure i'd have forfeited my deposit if i'd done that.

feeling: defective Y chromosome
thinking of: long sleeves
music: "hands down" dashboard confessional

how 'bout them cowboys?!?

feeling: charged up
thinking of: playoffs
music: "the good old dallas cowboys" waylon jennings

second of two

so i've got these presuppositions.

and in order to more adequately understand the internal (both cognitive and affective) context of some of the stuff i write, i guess a bit of a primer is in order. the most significant presupps that i got tend to be spiritual in nature, mostly nature of God sort of things, even what i believe about myself is informed by those more than they are anything else. bascially, the one of consequence here is that i owe the entirety of my existance to God and that he's faithful even when i'm not. more than that, he seems to be most faithful when i'm least faithful, reminding me that he's so much bigger than me and so much better at orchestrating my life than i am.

in any case, this week's been good. and it's been good not because anything spectacularly good has happened, but more because there have been lil unexpected things that have just sort of made the regular stuff better. what sticks out are sunday and tuesday. sunday i went to that christmas concert with sarah, and i don't think that could have possibly been a better night than it was. she had to go to work like right after that, which i thought was kind of a drag at first, but looking back, i feel like it's better that it worked out that way.

tuesday i went to a luncheon up in west covina and carpooled with this guy john. i know him pretty casually and since we were both driving up from long beach, we decided to carpool. he's a cool guy, quite a bit older than me, i think he's 40 actually, and here lately i've been sort of hyper-aware that i've been lacking a mentor-type figure. so anyways, it was really good getting to talk to him, the sort of conversation that i've really been craving lately. it was pretty unexpected and pretty much precisely what i've needed for a little while here.

it's funny because here lately i haven't really felt like i've been all that faithful, and mostly i've been reminded that good things happen in my life more often in spite of myself than they do because of me or anything it is that i do.

feeling: undeserving
thinking of: stamps
music: "dust to dust" keith green

first of two

i'm not the most detail oriented person.

i know i've mentioned that before, and i ususally pay for that in occasional slight aggravation. since i seem to generally not pay much attention to details, i only seem to notice when little things go wrong, you know how it is, when you drop something and it lodges itself so perfectly in a place so as to make it inaccesible.

[sidebar]it's like that time i was in college and i was headed up to my room, i'm getting out my keys to get on the elevator (we had this lil lazer tag thing that summoned the elevator) and i drop them, in stride, my foot hits them and i kick them into the lil crevice where the floor ends and the elevator door starts. i knew exactly where they were, but couldn't get them til the next day.[/sidebar]

so anyway, being the way that i am, when the details, the little things, go well, i don't tend to notice and i'm definitely not mindful enough to appreciate them. they get taken for granted. but this week's been a bit different in that respect, nothing huge, but i've noticed that a couple or three things have worked out really well, in fact, i feel like they worked out better than they would have if i'd planned out the details myself.

i'm still not sure how that works.

feeling: taken care of, in spite of myself
thinking of: stochasticism and determinism
music: "bastards on parade" dropkick murphys

Livin on the road my friend, is gonna keep you free and clean.
Now you wear your skin like iron.
Your breath as hard as kerosene.

You weren't your momma's only boy, but her favorite one it seems.
She began to cry when you said goodbye
And sank into your dreams.

Pancho was a bandit boy, his horse was fast as polished steel.
He wore his gun outside his pants
For all the honest world to feel.

Pancho met his match you know on the deserts down in Mexico.
Nobody heard his dyin words, but that's the way it goes.

All the Federales say, they could've had him any day,
They only let him slip away, out of kindness I suppose.

Lefty he can't sing the blues all night long like he used to.
The dust that Pancho bit down south ended up in Lefty's mouth.
The day they laid poor Pancho low, Lefty split for Ohio
Where he got the bread to go, there ain't nobody knows.

All the Federales say, they could've had him any day
They only let him slip away out of kindness I suppose.

The boys tell how old Pancho fell, and Lefty's livin in cheap hotels.
The desert's quiet, Cleveland's cold
And so the story ends we're told;

Pancho needs your prayers it's true, but save a few for Lefty too
He only did what he had to do, and now he's growing old.

All the Federales say, they could've had him any day
They only let him go so long, out of kindness I suppose.

A few gray Federales say, they could've had him any day
They only let him go so long, out of kindness I suppose.

--"Pancho and Lefty" Willie Nelson & Merle Haggard

i don't like being outdoors smithers. for one thing, there's too many fat children.

there are three sides to every story. that's what i've heard anyway; your side, my side, and the truth. so monday night, during a commercial on monday night raw, i surfed the channels; i mean world's fattest blackest mark henry was on, you would have changed it too, or resorted to self-immolation had you been unable to find the remote. luckily for me the remote was easily located and so i stopped on ABC, which was showing this investigative deal on what i guess was the state of nutrition on america. basically it was peter jennings railing on the food industry for making america the fattest population on the planet, and in the subsequent interviews, food industry figures making the case that they were simply giving the public what they said they wanted in the way of more food, which is basically to say larger portions, increased convenience and the like. further copping out, they gave the somewhat oversimplistic explanation that if americans wanted to avoid becoming overweight and obese, the answer was to excercise more.

the truth, as always, lay somewhere in between both accounts, or perhaps beyond them, if you're a philosophical type who doesn't dig continuums (continua??) . i got the impression while watching the thing that the media were (was??) trying to make the food industry its next scapegoat, like what they did with tobacco. bascially what it boiled down to was peter jennings suggesting to the food industry execs he was interviewing that they are responsible for people's individual choices to overeat, simply by providing the means to do it as well as the kind of enticement that no average person would be able to overcome. kinda like the way the tobacco industry was deemed responsible for people who chose to smoke.

the flip side of that was that the food industry folks were in full denial of any responsibility at all. true enough that exercise and increased activity helps people from turning into total fatasses, simply encouraging people to eat their fill, or perhaps more, and proposing excercise as a catch-all is pretty irresponsible. what really seemed to rub me the wrong way was their approach to adbertizing, especially as it concerned kids. they were accusing parents of not shouldering enough responsibility for their kids' nutrition. which made tons of sense, i mean since they never market directly to kids, you know, through using cartoon characters or making their packaging appealing to them.

it was pretty instructive, but probably not in a way that any of the parties involved expected or hoped for it to be. what i got from it is that, basically everyone wants to hold someone else responsible for their excesses.

feeling: invigorated
thinking of: good timing
music: "american badass" kid rock

i'm searching for calendars.

wall calendars to be quite specific and to date, nothing has really piqued my interest so much that i've felt that i had to get it. i'll confess to not having looked very earnestly, mostly when i've been out on other errands or something like that. i think it started when i was at borders a week and a half or so ago and realized that it was nearly december and that i haven't had a calendar since i got the 2001 britney spears calendar, mostly as a joke, although the febuary and october pictures were quite lovely. i think before that the last one i had was 1999, that one had curious george on it.

so what i've been looking for is stuff that is or will be of some sentimental value to me, something that would serve as a bit of a connection to my past, stuff in my past that i value anyway. since that's been the goal, what i've been looking for has been stuff of texas and chicago, though i did take a bit of a longer look at the johnny cash calendar, he's just such a badass, i saw, as well as the lizzie mcguire one, she's just so adorable, but like when i was looking for that hoodie a couple months ago, finding what i want has been no mean feat. it seems as though for the purposes of watching days pass by, the only places that exist around here are paris, england, ireland, and of course california.

i bet if there was a curious george/britney calendar, it'd be geared to a "specialty" audience.

feeling: prepared
thinking of: her
music: "a little less conversation" elvis presley

winter has come to southern california.

well, it rained anyway, and i was nearly devastated when i realized that it was the closest to snow that we'd get out here. didn't really have the time to think about that last year. the sun's been setting at half past four though, so at least something felt right.

so anyways, yesterday was sunday and it was a good day. i think that out of all the months on the calendar, december has the most distinctive feel. more than anything, that statement makes me feel like i'm stating the obvious, but when that feeling sort of dawns on you, it's just so pleasant and warm. like last night, i went to a christmas concert, which was totally beautiful, the music was wonderful, choir, soloists, backed by an orchestra, organ, piano, stuff like that. i was with sarah, and before it she was talking about what a hectic day it'd been and saying that she was pretty stressed. i was feeling a bit similar, though probably not to the same degree and as i was taking her home she was talking about how warm and peaceful she felt, as opposed to what she was feeling before, that resonated with me because when i thought about it, she was definitely right. so i guess based on all that, it feels like december.

there are definitely worse things to feel, a broken glass-thumbtacks-barbed wire board match, for example.

feeling: warm
thinking of: last nite
music: "if it all comes true" chagall guevara

what a cruddy weekend.

at least football-wise, the rest wasn't so bad, but i think i'll talk about that tomorrow. so anyways, the scores were as follows:

mount union 56, wheaton 10
philadelphia 36, dallas 10
kansas st. 35, oklahoma 7

neither of the first two were surprising. wheaton's had an awesome season, its best ever, but not even my fabulous cheering techniques would seem to have helped. mount union had won 53 straight and six out of the last seven national titles, and had knocked wheaton out of the playoffs last year. no one's come close to touching them in about four years. beating them would have been a major upset. so anyways, the purple raiders move on, likely to win their seventh national title in eight years and wheaton goes back to campus, ostensibly to dance, now that they can.

the cowboys lost, to filthydelphia, but the eagles been tearing it up lately. in fact, the last game they lost was to the cowboys, and that was like eight weeks or so ago. i'm a bit worried about the cowboys, i've resigned myself to the fact that they're likely one and done in the playoffs, but i'd like to see them win 10 this year, which, from the way they've played the last couple weeks, i'm not sure they'll end up doing.

the shocker here was the ou and k-state, which effectively messed up the horns' best plans, which were either fiesta or rose bowl. i mean it's not oklahoma's fault for not beating k-state, the horns could have saved themselves some trouble by not getting the ever living shite kicked out of them by the sooners, but it seems sorry that a team with more losses than them which they beat gets a better bowl than the the horns do.

all that said, f**king sooners.

feeling: satisfied
thinking of: disneyland, it's not what you think
music: "stupid kid" caedmon's call

tomorrow, k?

feeling: meh
thinking of: tomorrow
music: "drive, he said" steve taylor

001. first name: enrique
002. middle name: adrian
003. last name: villarreal
004. nickname(s): rick (riq?), assorted others usually on the spur of the moment
005. gender: male
006. age: 23
007. birthday: august 3
008. height: 5'6"
009. hair color: brown
010. eye color: brown
011. race: is socially constructed
012. do you wear glasses or contacts: nah
013. do you have braces: nah
014. is your hair long or short: in between, tho right now shorter than long
015. where were you born: dallas, tx
016. current location: bellflower, ca
017. zodiac sign: leo
018. how many languages do you know: 2
019. nationality: texan
020. bad habits: nail biting, raging ambivalence
021. piercings you have: none
022. piercings you want: none
023. tattoos you have: none
024. tattoos you want: right forearm
025. today's date: Sept. 10, 2003
026. the time: 2:10 AM, pacific time
027. ready for a bunch more questions: sure

*Family....
028. mother's name: adrianne
029. father's name: enrique
030. step-parent's names, if any: nah
031. brother(s)'s name(s): stephen
032. sister(s)'s name(s): noelle
033. favorite aunt: i dunno
034. favorite uncle: dunno
035. favorite grandparent: all three that i've met
036. worst relative: at what? checkers?? tiddly winks??
037. best relative: all mine say me
038. do you get along with your parents: yes
039. does anyone in your family understand you?: not entirely

*Pets...
040. do you have any pets: no
041. what are their names: N/A
042. what kind of animals are they: N/A

*School....
043. are you still in school: nah
044. did you drop out: not so much
045. current gpa, or last gpa: HS, 2.18, college, 3.0
046. favorite grade: 11th
047. least favorite grade: probly 7th
048. favorite teacher: evans mank, hank allen, steve kang
049. least favorite teacher: 7th grade english, we don't say her name for fear she'll materialize out of thin air.
050. favorite subject: theology, sociology
051. least favorite subject: math, natural sciences
052. do/did you buy lunch or bring it: i went to a private school, lunch was in the tuition
053. play any sports on the school's team: football, wrestling, track and field
054. do/did you do any extracurricular activities: student council, chapel committee, clothing drive, gift drive, sports, church stuff
055. are/were you popular: i was revered
056. favorite dance: the one with the shark, you know from the 70's. . .JAWS, that's the one
057. favorite memory: got a few hours?
058. least favorite dance: the one with the shark, you know from the 70's. . .JAWS, that's the one
059. least favorite memory: 11 lbs in 30 hrs and the aftermath
060. most humiliating moment: can't recall

*Favorites...
061. number: 56
062. clothing brand: i dunno, i've always been partial to jeans from structure, other than that i'm exceptionally apathetic as far as this goes
063. shoes: brown skechers boots
064. saying: "schweet"
065. tv show: 24, king of the hill
066. sport: soccer
067. vegetable: tomato
068. fruit: apple
069. movie: princess bride, tombstone
070. magazine: relevant
071. actor: all-time: chuck connors, living: kiefer sutherland
072. actress: ashley judd
073. candy: jolly rancher
074. gum: winterfresh
075. scent: vanilla
076. candy bar: milky way
077. ice cream flavor: blue bell cookies and cream
078. color: blue, grey, brown
079. season: when they're changing
080. holiday: christmas
081. band: reverend horton heat
082. singer: mike ness, steve taylor
083. group: teen girl squad, i dunno
084. rapper: not a rap guy
085. type of music: anything that's honest
086. thing in your room: bed!
087. place to be: chicago, illinois
089. tv channel: fox, i guess
090. junk food: chips and salsa, chocolate chip cookies
091. overall food: bbq
092. store: minyard
093. shoe brand: right now, skechers
094. fast food: jack in the box
095. restaurant: frontera grill
096. shape: the wesleyan quadrilateral
097. time of day: early morning, late nite
098. country: texas
099. state: hadn't thought about it
100. boys name: jonas
101. girls name: bret
102. mall: for sentimental value: redbird, for inadvertent amusement: the dallas galleria
103. video game: fifa 2004
104. shampoo: pantene
105. board game: chutes and ladders
106. computer game: freecell??
107. car: squeaky
108. music video: johnny cash, hurt
109. swear word: cocksucker, dipshit
110. word: epistemological
111. month: october
112. cartoon character: foghorn leghorn, speedy gonzales
113. scary movie: enemy of the state
114. team: any from dallas
115. possession: squeaky (car)

*This Or That...
116. rock or rap: rock
117. rock or pop: rock
118. rock or r&b: rock
119. rock or metal: rock
120. rap or pop: razorblades or shotgun
121. rap or r&b: razorblades or garlic press
122. rap or metal: metal
123. pop or r&b: shotgun or garlic press
124. pop or metal: metal
125. r&b or metal: metal
126. linkin park or limp bizkit: must i?
127. tool or korn: see above
128. selena or jennifer lopez: selena, at least she's mexican
129. hot or cold: hot
130. winter or summer: winter
131. spring or fall: fall
132. shakira or britney: in a fight? shakira
133. icp or eminem: ICP, and it's not even close
134. marilyn manson or rob zombie: no thanks
135. kittie or garbage: ???
136. mtv or vh1: evil of two lessers?
137. buffy or angel: i know what an angle is, but what's a buffy?
138. dawson's creek or gilmore girls: dawson made a shitty texan, you know, in varsity blues, and i've never seen gilmore girls
139. football or basketball: i'm from texas, this should be self explanatory
140. summer olympics or winter olympics: summer i guess
141. skiing or snowboarding: i have crappy knees
142. rollarblading or skateboarding:
143. black or white: black
144. orange or red: red
145. yellow or green: yellow
146. purple or pink: pink
147. slipknot or mudvayne: i know what a slipknot is, but what's a mudvayne?
148. hot topic or pac sun: to set on fire? now *that's* a tough one
149. inside or outside: outside
150. weed or alcohol: alcohol
151. cell phone or pager: pager
152. pen or pencil: pen
153. powerpuff girls or charlie's angels: uninformed
154. scooby doo or dino: dino
155. dragon ball z or pokemon: those are cartoons right?
156. star wars or star trek: james t. kirk's hangs between his ankles
157. tattoos or piercings: tats
158. prep or punk: ideal types?
159. slut or whore: slut

*Private Life...
160. do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: not so much
161. do you have a crush: probly
162. do you love anyone right now: yes
163. have you ever been in love: seemed like it at the time
164. how many people have you kissed: like made out with? couple dozen
165. who was your first kiss: some girl named monica, i was 12
166. how many hearts have you broken: it would seem at least one
167. how many people broke your heart: broke? none
168. best quote to sum up love: "even the losers get lucky sometimes" tom petty
169. so what is your bf/gf/crush like: amazing
170. do you have a picture of him/her: no
171. please post it if you do: sorry
172. do you have a picture of yourself: indeed
173. please post it if you do: link to the left, it says "pics"
174. do you go by looks or personality: both
175. ever kiss a friend: yes
176. are you still friends: yes
177. so moving along...do you smoke: just secondhand
178. do you smoke weed: nah
179. ever trip on acid: nah
180. how about a little x: nah
181. crack, heroin, anything else: nah
182. beer good or beer bad: beer bad
183. are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: good gravy, no
184. do you like smirnoff ice: i've not tried it
185. prefer beer or liquor: liquor, good gosh, liquor
186. what kind of cigarettes do you smoke: N/A

*Would You Ever...
187. bungee jump: for a price
188. sky dive: maybe
189. swim with dolphins: if he promised not to take advantage of me
190. scuba dive: sure
191. go rock climbing: sure
192. eat shit for $1,000,000: off the dirty ground
193. turn your back on your friends for personal gain: no
194. steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: no
195. cross-dress: i used to be a cheerleader
196. lie to the police: in honesty? probably if i had something to gain or keep, like my anal virginity
197. run from the police: that ship has sailed
198. lie to your parents: i have, not an issue anymore really
199. walk up to a stranger and kiss them: not my style
200. be an exotic dancer: nah
201. walk out of a restaurant without paying: no, that's screwing with people's livelihood
202. streak: that ship has also sailed

*Have You Ever...
203. flashed someone: yah
204. told the person you liked how you felt: yes
205. been to michigan: no
206. gotten really REALLY wasted: everclear chased with jack
207. gone to jail or juvi: on a field trip once, i think
208. skateboarded: when i was like 9
209. skinny dipped: actually, no
210. stolen anything: yah
211. wanted to kick my ass for making this so long: nah
212. kicked someone's ass: indubitably
213. pegged someone in the head with a snowball: yah
214. gotten into a bar, under-aged: yes
215. kissed someone of the same sex: like on the forehead
216. gone on a road trip: good gosh yes
217. gone on vacation without adult supervision: i guess
218. been to a concert: many many
219. been to another country: yah
220. talked back to an adult: they had it coming
221. got pulled over: four times, two tickets
222. got in a car accident: twice, six years ago
223. broke a law: certain
234. given money to a homeless person: yah
235. tried to kill yourself: no
236. cried to get out of trouble: nah
237. kissed a friend's brother or sister: yes
238. kissed a brother or sister's friend: yes
239. dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it anyways: yes

*Opinions....
240. what do you think...about pop music: it's a genre that is really hard to sound good in, i've heard good pop, but acts that do it well are few and far between
241. about boy bands: they're not really bands
242. about flag burning: protected speech, obnoxious, but protected nonetheless
243. of the war on terrorists: you mean all terrorists? that's easy, there isn't one
244. about suicide: it's like cutting off your dick to give your ex back the cockring she gave you
245. about people who try to force their opinions on you: life's too short to take them seriously
246. about abortion: that it's more polarizing than it should be
247. about rock/metal music: some days, makes life bearable
248. where do you think you'll be in 10 years: hopefully, chicago
249. who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: everyone i consider a friend now

*What Did You Do...
250. last birthday: got taken out, received assorted greetings
251. yesterday: day off, that's what
252. last weekend: went to the mall, played football in the park
253. christmas: went home, to dallas
254. thanksgiving: watched the cowboys
255. new year's: i wish dunx's in plano
256. halloween: sold poison milk to schoolchildren
257. easter: went to church, dowell's house
258. valentine's day: went on a date, oddly enough

*The Last...
259. thing you ate: turkey sandwich, on white, american cheese, mustard, mayo
260. thing you drank: water
261. thing you wore: before now? tore up six year old jeans and a red dodgers shirt
262. place you went: work
263. thing you got pierced/tattooed: N/A
264. person you saw: markizzle barbizzle
265. person you kissed: katie
266. person you fought with: i don't remember
267. person you talked to: bethany, i think
268. song you heard: "long black veil" mike ness

*Right Now....
269. what are you eating: nothing
270. what are you drinking: water
271. what are you wearing: the uniform, blue jeans, black t-shirt, brown jacket, white and blue plaid boxers, white socks, brown skechers
272. any shoes on: yes, oddly enough
273. hair: curly, i cut it on tuesday
274. listening to: mike ness
275. talking to anyone: right this second, no
276. are you pissed i made this so long: nah

*Yes Or No...
277. are you a vegetarian: my brother is, but not me
278. do you like cows: if they can be trusted
279. are you a bitch: nah
280. are you artistic: only when it comes to writing
281. do you write poetry: just prose
282. are you a fast runner: fast?
283. can you ski: nah, knees
284. are you british: nah
285. do you want to spear britney: so many levels
286. do the voices talk to you: all the time
287. did you ever give barbie a haircut: nope
288. would you eat mac &cheese with hot dogs in it: i had a roommate that did that once, it was gross
289. do you think disney creators were on acid when they made 'alice in wonderland': nah
290. are you straight: indeed
291. are you stupid, insane, and another physically handicapped: the word is deficient
292. are you fat: nah
293. are you skinny: nah
294. are you short: sure
295. are you tall: nah
296. do you own a hot pink shirt: i wish
297. how about orange pants: not so much
298. can you see the flying monkeys: there are monkeys that don't fly?
299. are you evil: in nature, but not by nature, there's a difference
300. did you ever know someone who had a mullet: tons of people, i grew up in texas
301. is britney a whore: if she has sex for money she is
302. are you a teenage zombie: no, on both counts
303. am i annoying you: nah
304. do you like marilyn manson: nah
305. are you secretly from another planet: you mean like canada?
306. what time did you finish this at: days later

i went to the mall today.

gearing up for christmas shopping more or less. i didn't get much, just some cards, which i'm going back to sending this year. i didn't send any out last year which i think was kinda sorry on my part, but then there was a lot going on, having just moved here and all. i was actually quite relieved simply to have made it home for the holiday.

the cards i got were pretty sweet, they're both adorable looking. one's got a snowman on it and the other's got a lil angel. this year i didn't have any problem finding ones that actually said "christmas," something that had been an issue in years past. i mean i understand that there are several late-december holidays that represent all kinds of PC crap, but that doesn't retract from the reality that christmas indeed exists, it caused me something of an ontological crisis last year.

if we've never met and you'd like a card, i'd be happy to oblige, just email your address.

feeling: sinus headache
thinking of: sudafed
music: "red hot moon" rancid

i dig christmas music.

this is a good time of year to do that, being december and all. generally, it's the only time i do think about christmas music, which makes sense. that wasn't always the case, however. when i was real little, we hung out with my grandma a lot, go on errands with her and stuff. around that time she drove a white chevy monte carlo, probly an early 80's model, which had a cassette player in it, a feature that was in neither of my parents' cars.

you know how it is when you're a little kid, you'd get a movie on video and drive your parents to consider abandoning you because of your watching it at least eight or nine times a day and i'm pretty sure that we drove my grandmother to similar madness. see she had this tape of a very young wayne newton singing christmas carols. she started playing it one winter and we dug it. every time we'd get in her car we'd clamor to hear it. christmas came and went and still we'd want to hear nothing else, so wayne newton belted out christmas favorites all the way through at least march.

no more wayne newton anymore, and i'll never figure out what led some grade school kids into a fascination with his christmas album. no, the current source for christmas music is wheaton college's WETN radio. they started with christmas music the day after thanksgiving and are playing it non-stop through new year's day. here's the link if you're down with christmas music and can listen in your office or something like that, definitely some cheerful background noise, though they do break for chapel monday, wednesday and friday, and for the occasional thunder athletic contest.

seriously, wayne newton? what was that about?

feeling: well-groomed
thinking of: christmas cards
music: "coffee mug" the descendants

things are back to normal.

back to status quo anyways. normal is a state of being which i'm not sure exists, but that's likely fodder for another day's entry. i took my dad to the airport this morning for his flight back to dallas after spending a week here, not that things were terribly, terribly different when he and my sister were here, but like i was saying yesterday, it brought about some difference, which i appreciated and was glad to have. besides that, today was more or less a pedestrian sort of day.

more or less a pedestrian day, because tonight was the night the FOX network decided to unleash upon the world television genius the likes of which has never heretofore been seen in the form of a fabulous show called "the simple life". make no mistake about it, this show is unadulterated greatness. i'm a pretty versatile, adaptable sort of guy. i grew up in texas, where i went to a prep school with the offspring of dallas' society types, some of my best friends were the princess types who differ from paris hilton not at all in type and only in degree, and even then not by just a whole, whole lot. so i feel like i can relate, be it ever so slightly, to the sort of epicurean life that these young ladies are accustomed to. like i said though, i grew up in texas, which also afforded me plenty of opportunities to spend time in the sticks, and for good old fashioned hand-dirtying manual labor.

paris and nicole probly think manual labor is the president of mexico.

feeling: amused
thinking of: the simple life, my new all time favorite show. ever.
music: "walk on water" audio adrenaline

so i haven't written in a few days.

apologies to the half-dozen or so of you whose dearth of better things to do or perhaps whose lapses in better judgement lead you to visit this corner of the web. kidding of course, i kid, i kid because i love. anyways, my dad's here, my sister came with him, but she had to leave friday morning, they came out for thanksgiving, been staying at my place since tuesday. it was sweet to have them out here, neither of them had ever been to california before, and it'd been a long time since i'd seen either of them, i last saw my dad in march and my sister in december.

that having been said, it's different having people in my apartment, houseguests, as it were, i guess. i've gotten so used to solitude, at least as far as living quarters go, that someone else's constant presence in my place over a period of a few days felt slightly foreign. i'm not territorial or anything like that, anybody that knows me halfway decently knows that, but the comfort level is maybe not lowered, but different.

take writing, for example. right now, i'm blogging at work, which, typically, isn't something that i do, personal boundaries and whatnot. i usually blog in the mornings before i head off to work, but then i haven't really had work since last wednesday, which, incidentally has me feeling quite quite useless, but sort of throws a wrench in the rhythm of the day. i'm not complaining or anything like that, i always appreciate days off and a trek off the beaten path, but it forces some degree of regrouping as far as staying on top of things goes. back to the point, writing is something i've come to associate with solitude, and not having had that at home here lately i'm thinking that's at least partly why i haven't written the past few days. i get the feeling that it'd feel like playing air hockey on a pool table.

i think i'm on top of things anyway.

feeling: ambivalent
thinking of: haze
music: "music box superhero" the juliana theory